The first two minutes of "the meet up" with someone you've been chatting with on an online dating site are pretty critical. May I suggest a couple of things you don't want to mention in the initial introductions? Any one of these will probably result in your half-date sending the menu back with the waitress, claiming they are fine with just hot chocolate. If you whip out all of them in quick succession, the other person will be gone before the whipped cream in said hot chocolate has a chance to melt.
1) I started having kids too young. I was 17 when I had my oldest son with my scoutmaster's wife. So that's why I wasn't able to go on a mission. I had a 3 year old. And I'd been disfellowshipped.
2) I live in a motor home on some property my mother owns. I choose not to live in the house because the animals have kind of taken over in the past couple of years. (Bonus points if it's horses that have made the house unlivable.)
3) My youngest sons live with their mother in Alaska. Actually they may be in South Jordan with her parents. I'm not sure.
4) I have a really good job. It's with the government and I can't really give you any details. But it is helping me pay down the $30,000 I owe in medical debt. (Bonus points here for a specific dollar amount.)
My favorite part of this encounter was the follow-up texts asking how I wanted to proceed with our relationship. I diplomatically responded that I thought we were in very different places in our lives but I wanted to wish him good luck. Very different places. But seriously, good luck.
And that is why my plans for next weekend (and quite possibly every weekend for the rest of my life) involve Downton Abby in my apartment. With all the doors locked.
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