Things I Learned This Weekend

1) The BYU Ballroom Dance Team is phenomenal. There's a reason they have been undefeated national champions since 1982.


2) Girls in their 30's who look like they are 20 should not sit alone in Sacrament Meeting in a new ward right in front of "Priest Row" at the back of the chapel. They will be a distraction from the worship service for these good young men. If they only knew how old I was, I'm guessing they would not be quite so interested in my black boots.


3) Two year-olds are the best people to talk to on the phone. On Sunday, my conversation with my nephew Bryce started like this, "Hi Traci. I'm naked." Where do you go from there?

Thoughts on Pages

You know those moments when you're having a conversation with someone and what you hear yourself saying and what you really want to be saying are two totally different things? I had one of those today.

Speaker #1 (Not Me): You and I are just on different pages.

Speaker #2 (Me): I know.

In a perfect world, where things come out exactly the way you want them to and you don't have to worry about other people's feelings and things, I would have said, "Ok. But I have a degree in English and a Masters in reading and literacy. I am practically an EXPERT in pages. I am on the right page! You are on the wrong page! I am right. You are wrong. Stop being an idiot. Turn the freaking page and get on with it."

Thank you for listening to my self-absorbed rant. You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Happy Neil Diamond Day!

Happy Birthday to Neil Diamond! It's the big 7-0 for Neil today.

They grow up so fast.

And The Neil Diamond Birthday Club could not be more proud! Long Live Brother Neil!

I'm Such a Girl

Last night around eight o'clock, I realized I had absolutely nothing to wear to work today. Not only that, there was nothing I owned that I could possibly wear outside of my apartment ever again. I was going to have to "call in ugly" to work today. And every day until I lost my job, which would inevitably lead to a downward cycle of despair. I would withdraw from society and eat nothing but cold cereal and Oreos, doomed to live out the rest of my days in ugly-bitter loneliness. And I was certain, in the end, I was going to be eaten by wolves.

After an undetermined amount of time, I was able to dry my tears, pull myself off the heap of ill-fitting sweaters and pants on my bedroom floor, gather what precious little was left of my courage... and make a desperate trip to Kohls.

Pair of cords from the clearance rack: $10.80
Turquoise vest (also on clearance): $13.20

Not being eaten by wolves: Priceless

Corduroy Cutie Pie

A picture is worth 1,000 words on this one. What a cutie!!!

Baby's First Christmas

Brace yourself for the cuteness that was Lauren at Christmas Time. Are you ready for this?

Tilt and Smile

I had to get my picture taken today to complete my passport application. The photographer/postal employee had a hard time getting me positioned just right. He kept wanting me to look straight at the camera. Anyone who has ever seen a picture of me will know that this is not physically possible for me. If I'm posing for a picture, I simply must tilt my head to a really weird angle before I can smile. My brothers and sister have teased me for years about this phenomenon. They call it The Classic or The Tilt and Smile. But I can't help it. I really can't.

I did try my very, very best today. I'll be interested to get my passport to see how the picture turned out!

The Kind of Person I Am

I got a Lifesaver Story Book in my Christmas stocking. So last night I put a roll of lifesavers in my purse. I remember thinking, "I'd like to be the kind of person who always has lifesavers in her purse."

But I'm not. I'm actually the kind of person who can eat a roll of lifesavers in about 30 seconds if she knows they're in her purse. Good to know.

Something You Never Want to Hear On a Date

You know your dinner date is NOT going well when your date says to you, "I seem to be doing all the talking and you seem to be doing all the eating."

In my defense, he had been outlining in great detail a sci-fi TV series I had never seen and will never see. I was merely doing my best to clear my plate so the server would bring the check and put me out of my misery.

My 2010

I don't make New Years resolutions. I like to leave goal-setting and progress-making to other, more motivated people. But I do like to take a minute at the beginning of each new year and reflect on some of the things that happened the year before. Where have I been in the past year? What have I done?

In that spirit, here are the "retroactive resolutions" I would make for 2010.

• Earn my insurance license
• Go parasailing in San Diego and shopping at the Mall of America in Minneapolis
• Win big (we're talking over $16 here) in Vegas
• Cross-stitch Christmas presents for some close friends
• Make my office at work a Typewriter Free Zone - FINALLY!!!
• Read good books ("Mockingjay," "These Is My Words" and "The Forgotten Garden" were some of my favorites)
• Play the Tabernacle Organ
• Accomplish my goal of attending a session at each of the temples in Utah. (New temples I visited this year: Manti, Oquirrh Mountain, St. George, Monticello and San Diego)

So that's it. I didn't lose 10 pounds this year. Sometimes I exercised more and sometimes I exercised a whole lot less. I didn't get a new job, although I sure as heck thought about it. I lived alone in my two-bedroom apartment and I loved it. I cried with friends who lost their Mom to cancer the Sunday before Christmas. I watched The Racecar Movie (also known as Cars) with my nephews 197 times. I welcomed a darling new niece to the family. I ran my car into a cement wall and somehow walked away with a scratch on my face, $564 in damage to my car, and tires that stayed in alignment through it all. (I consequently became a Honda Driver For Life.) I taught Relief Society, did my visiting teaching, and was released on the last Sunday of the year from the calling that has defined me for the past three years. I saw Brad Paisley, Tim McGraw and Lady A in concert. I opened my heart... had it smashed... and repeated the cycle with the Same Dumb Boy more times that I'm willing to admit. I learned to make decent sugar cookies. I'm older, wiser, more exhausted and way more fun than I've ever been before. And I'm smiling as I skip my way into 2011, ready to do it all again.